Attention-Seekers

Do you know a lot of girls who are flirtatious? They always feel like a super star who walks around the campus wearing heavy make up, fashioned clothes, high heels, etc. To sum it up, they are always the center of attraction.

Well, it is one of the rebellious effects of daughters not having their fathers around. They always try to seek the attention they need from other people. Upon seeing an article, entitled The Effects of Fathers Rejecting Their Daughters by Thea Theresa English, one major effect written in that article is about girls seeking attention from men.

Therese English quoted, "When a daughter is rejected by her father and she's a teen, she may look to other men for the love and attention she craves."

It is a sort of a rebound relationship. When someone who just broke up with her boyfriend and had another boyfriend in just a short period of time, the guy will most likely to be a rebound for the girl.  A relationship where a girl tries to substitute her former boyfriend so that she can move on. Attention-seekers are like this. When they did not experienced a father's love, they try to substitute their fathers with other men around so that they'll get the attention they wanted. 

This type of girls most likely irritate people around. But people must understand them because they only wanted to feel like they are love. If you know someone who is like this, you need to be sensitive that one most likely reason why they act like like that is the absence of the father's love. 

Little Princess Turns to a Monster

A friend of mine told me that when she was just a kid, she used to be a daddy's little girl. They spent lots of time with each other compared with her siblings. But when she was about eight, her father left without knowing where he went. She rebelled against and blamed her mother for the lost of her best friend. It took her along time to forgive both her parents. She was angry and full of hatred. Until such a time that she just decided to forgive them. Still, her father is nowhere to be found. But she realized that she needs to move on.

I was asking her why did she rebelled. She just answered that she loves her father more than anyone else. I tried to do some research about her reason and came across an article entitled  "The Perceived Influence of a Father on His Daughter’s Development" written by Caitlin Goossen. This article contains researches and studies of the involvement of a father to a girl's life.

Goossen shared her researches of fathers' role in their daughters' lives, which I tried to analyze to get the factors of a daughter's rebellion over the father's absence:

A Father's Influence and Involvement

This father's role required him to spend lots of time with his daughter. Without this, the girl can be rebellious because of  finding someone to be with. A lot of girls cannot handle being lonely.

Long-Term Male Romantic Relationships

Numerous girls have a problem on being an attention-seeker. Without getting the attention wanted, rebellion starts. This problem starts when a father does not pay much attention with his daughter because girls most likely seek attention from the opposite sex.

Views of the Opposite Sex

Absence of a unique perspective from a father is also a factor of a daughter's rebellion because they will not understand men.

Sexuality

Without the father's physical contact can lead to a girl's sexual aggression, which is a form of rebellion. Physical contact is what makes women feel secure.

Body Image

Approvals, supports, praises, etc. from a father can help decrease a girl's insecurities. Fathers should give their fullest support for their daughters because insecurities may lead to rebellion if honors are not achieved.

Social Skills

Without interactions between a father and a daughter can destroy her relationships with others. Interactions with her father can help her easily adapt in different environments.

Academic Goals

The father must be the first one to encourage his daughter. A daughter fails in school then rebels because of not having someone who should motivate her first.

Hidden behind the effects are the factors why girls who haven't had fathers on their side rebel.  These factors must be addressed to all the fathers and to those who will become a father so that they will be aware as their daughter grow.

Father-Daughter Dances: BANNED

Just the title itself, makes you think that it is kind a little weird, right?

As I was browsing the net, my attention was caught by an article entitled, School Bans Father-Daughter Dances. It summarizes some kind of a law about father-daughter dances were banned in schools. This article contains how it started and how the community reacted on this sudden change of a traditional event.

Todd Starnes quoted, "A school district in Rhode Island has ended the traditional father-daughter dance because the longtime tradition violated the state’s gender discrimination law."

This introduction really made me thought that it's weird. For me, this kind of events would help father-daughter relationships become stronger. A question "why would they banned such events?" came onto my mind.

Furthermore, Starnes quoted a father's response, “I think it’s a shame,” parent Sean Gately told Fox News. “It’s an assault on traditional family values.”

I agree with this parent because he was looking forward to this kind of events and have an opportunity to have a bond with their children.

In the end of the article, it can be understood that this law has not been clearly fixed because of debates.

For me, this law should not be legalized. It has a point but it really depends on how parents would handle relationships with their children.

A Father's Daughter Becomes a Mother

What will happen to a daddy's little girl when her left and was separated from her?

As I was typing "a father's daughter becomes a mother" in the internet, the exact same words are actually what compose the title of a real article. A Father's Daughter Becomes a Mother by Shruti Malur is a brief narration of what happened to her when her father left and worked abroad. She was a daddy's girl who had a wonderful relationship with her father. She expressed in this article how bad it felt for her that her dad needed to be separated from her. She also share her realizations when she had a daughter who also became a daddy's girl.

"My father’s absence might be one of the major reasons that strained my relationship with my mother. I am not very proud of it.  She was a disciplinarian and always wanted us to be the best. Our performance in school and extracurricular activities had to be great. Otherwise it would reflect badly on her and her upbringing. There was too much pressure. At least, that’s the way I saw it. To channel the resentment I had, I started being difficult and indifferent towards my mother’s feelings. My grades started dropping in school. I had started nurturing the rebel in me," Malur said.

I believe that being too close with one of the parents will most likely to have a "bitter" relationship with the other. I heard my friend's story who was also a daddy's girl. When her dad left, she was angry and blamed her mother for her father's absence. This is the turning point of a cute little princess to a teenage rebellion.

She also narrated, "When I became a parent, I had this in my head that I had to take the lead. I was still functioning like before and was always in a “go” mode. I ended up doing a lot, being exhausted, angry and discontent. In turn I wasn't able to enjoy my child as much. I was being authoritative and expecting too much."

This was the effect of her father's absence. As a parent, she became more like her mother who expects too much from her child. A study I read before states that the parent's characteristics you rebel against is what you are going to be when you become a parent.

As Shruti realized this, she began to change her attitude towards her daughter. She realized that her mother was only trying to be a father for her. In return, she tried to be the "son" her mother never had (both of her children are girls).

This realization, would encourage every parent to stopped and think what kind of parents they are. Do they have inner pains that made them like a monster for their children? Or do they have a sweet relationship with their children because the had also a good relationship with their parents too?

Daughter's Necessities

Do you believe that a girls's first true love is her daddy? Well, the very first man who hugged and kissed her is her dad. That's why she tends to love him back. It was the first time that she felt loved and gave love to someone.

As I was typing the words "daughter's necessities," articles involving fathers -not mothers- are shown in the screen. I chose an article entitled Daughters Need Fathers, Too emphasizes that a girl needs male role models in her life. And the most important male model is her father because she'll be able to distinguish more of her identity, even sexuality, from the powerful relationship she had at first with her father.


Marie Heartwell-Walker quoted, "if there is a father (or a male in her life who takes a father role), that man becomes her guidepost for what to expect of men and what to expect of men’s attitude toward women."

A daughter's relationship with her father will determine her future relationships with other people especially to their opposite sexes. If she grew up knowing his father's love, she will most likely to know who's man to be with and not to be with. Her father will be the model of the man whom she will choose to marry someday.

In addition, Marie Heartwell-Walker listed 10 basic principles on how fathers must show love for their daughters. One of these principles is,  "Treat her the way you want her future partner to treat her. The way you interact with your daughter is what she becomes used to when relating to a man. Treat her with respect, dignity, caring, and affection and she will expect to be treated that way by a mate. "

Being used to be loved by her father, she will surely want a husband who will treat her like how her father treated her. As her mind was open when she was just a little princess, her mindset will be that her future king will treat her as a queen. In this way, she'll be more aware of what kind of relationships she can have when she grow up.

Fathers should understand that they are somewhat of a map for their daughter's life. They will be the guidelines of their daughters for future plans and choices. Make sure that in a very early stage of their lives, they will already realize true love from their first true love, their father.

The King's Princess

Having watched Princess Diaries, King Philippe -the father of Princess Mia- wrote a letter for her daughter's 16th birthday when she was only an infant. Eventually, King Philippe died and Princess Mia received that letter when she was 16. Upon reading the letter, her decisions in life changed. With just a paper and few words from her father, everything in Princess Mia's life changed. How is that?

An article, entitled How fathers influence daughters, came across as I was browsing the internet. It talks about how can a father mold his daughter. It discusses the stage by stage impact of the king to his little princess. This article also gives philosophies on how fathers should handle their relationship with their daughters.

Elizabeth Weiss McGolerick quoted what associate professor of philosophy at Eastern Kentucky University Michael Austin said, "How Dad approaches life will serve as an example for his daughter to build off of in her own life, even if she chooses a different view of the world."

Fathers, including mothers, are the very first living examples in a daughter's life. Knowing that they were already there even before she was born, gives the daughter an idea of her identity. And that idea will be formed according to what she sees from her parents especially from her father.

The stage by stage of a daughter's growth with her father was also listed by Elizabeth Weiss McGolerick. These are the following:

Dads and daughters: From infant to toddler

This tells how this stage is very crucial for a daughter's life that the father shouldn't miss. I agree with what the author emphasized because according to what I heard before, this is the very first relationship that a child will have. Every "first things" she did were the most powerful memories she will ever have. If she experienced love at first, then it will be alive in her. But because of a father's absence at first, she will most likely to carry bitterness.

   

Fathers and daughters: From tween to teen

Patience must be practiced by the father at this stage of his daughter. As the daughter experiences a lot of changes from physical to emotional aspects, she surely has irritations and her mind is getting to know more of the things around her. And as she is growing with more people, ideas and things, the father must guard on her daughter more. Not just to guard, but also to become a best friend to her.

From this article, it can be implied that the father has the biggest role in his daughter's fairy tale. Princess Mia's changed of decisions was a result of her father's love. Growing up with no father, she had a "not so good life." But when she realized something good about her father, she tends to follow what her father was according to what she felt in her father's letter.

The Power of a Father's Love

Blessed with a loving father, I took noticed of the children just like me who does not experience any love from their fathers. I felt a certain compassion for those people I know who have the same unusual attitude or behavior because of the same reason, the absence of a father's love. Although   most of them have their mothers, they are much different from the usual teenage girls I observed. Some of them have fathers who may be physically present but emotionally absent. While some does not even have the opportunity to see who their fathers are. 

I came across an article in the internet entitled How absence of a loving father can wreck a child's life: New study shows relationship with both parents is crucial came. This article talks about how much important the father's love is. It discusses how it greatly affects a child's growth as much as or even greater than a mother's love. It also informs about researches on the possible behavior of children who haven't experience father's love can acquire.

As Fiona Macrae quoted what researcher Professor Ronald Rohner said, "In the US, Great Britain and Europe, we have assumed for the past 300 years that all children need for normal healthy development is a loving relationship with their mother. And that dads are there as support for the mother and to support the family financially but are not required for the healthy development of the children. But that belief is fundamentally wrong. We have to start getting away from that idea and realize the dad’s influence is as great, and sometimes greater, than the mother’s."

I agree with the new idea of Professor Ronald Rohner. As children,  were conceived because of both parents, they must also be taken care by both parents. Not because the mother is the one who carried them for nine months means they are the ones who need to give more love. But fathers also need to give as much or more love than what mothers can give. 

Professor Ronald Rohner added "Children who feel unloved tend to become  anxious and insecure, and this can make them needy. Anger and resentment can lead to them closing themselves off emotionally in an attempt to protect themselves from further hurt."

Being unloved either by the father or mother has no differences. This means that both of them   contributes to what will the child's behavior be. What determines children's attitude is how both  parents have played their roles.

From this article, it can be clearly understood that one cannot disqualify either of the mother or father's love because both are very crucial to their children's lives. The roles of both parents need to be mutual with their children. Fathers, like the mothers are not just there to give material needs but also a deeper relationship with their children. Their children must not only see their father working but also experience their father's embrace.